The struggle, hardships, and pain of Lyme digs deep into every part of life, it did mine. Physically, chemically, emotionally, energetically…I was exhausted.

Fatigue got me to the point of only treating 4-6 people a day, my body was unable to take on any more stress. Negative thoughts, confusion, depression were all mixed with the constant question “Why is this happening? What did I do to deserve this?” When I was in the deepest parts of Lyme, my brain was programmed to see only through the lens of pain and uncertainty.

Positive thinking and affirmations were not in my daily routine, it seemed out of reach. When the body is in chronic fatigue and sickness it pushes you into fight or flight syndrome. Which means all energy is placed into survival mode, and in this state you always are on the “look out” for potential threats. The body becomes programmed to only look out for the worse.

During this time of my life I read a book on Happiness by Dr. Robert Holden (One of my favorite teachers). He simply stated, “What do we learn from our pain?” He suggested that suffering is produced when pain is met with resistance. Pain is an attempt of the body to grab our attention. There is a part of us we are neglecting, and when we neglect ourselves it shows how much self-esteem we have.

That hit me right in the stomach. I did not blame or shame myself for having Lyme, but I realized I neglected myself for many years because I wanted to prove myself to everyone. I wanted to show others my worth. No amount of self improvement can make up for the lack of self acceptance.

This is where healing took off. I received and listened to where I hurt. And I asked “What am I learning? What don’t I accept about myself?”. When I understood that people loved me for who I am, and not for what I do…I felt whole. Everything is ok, because internally I’m ok.

Love Yourself, You’re loveable.
Photo and Style @lindsayblaze

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